“I drink, therefore I am—or at least, I think I am.”
Chapter 1: The Descent into Chaos
The unnamed protagonist, a deeply troubled alcoholic, begins his erratic monologue, detailing his fragmented thoughts and hallucinations. He wanders through a bleak urban landscape, engaging in drunken rants about philosophy, religion, and his own deteriorating sanity. His interactions with strangers are disjointed, often escalating into absurd or violent outbursts.
Chapter 2: The Illusion of Control
As his intoxication deepens, the protagonist attempts to impose order on his spiraling life, writing nonsensical lists and rules for himself. These efforts only highlight his inability to function. He recalls past failures—lost jobs, broken relationships—while blaming society for his downfall.
Chapter 3: Encounters with the Absurd
He stumbles into bizarre encounters: a drunken debate with a priest about salvation, a surreal confrontation with a faceless bureaucrat, and a fleeting moment of clarity where he questions his own existence. Each interaction reinforces his isolation and self-destructive tendencies.
Chapter 4: The Breaking Point
Hallucinations intensify as withdrawal symptoms set in. He sees visions of demons and angels, all mocking him. In a final, desperate act, he destroys his own notes—the very “psychopath’s diary” the book is framed as—leaving his fate ambiguous.
Key Ideas
- The destructive allure of alcoholism as both escape and self-annihilation.
- The absurdity of human existence through the lens of a disintegrating mind.
- Social alienation and the failure of institutions (religion, bureaucracy) to provide meaning.
- The unreliable narrator as a vehicle for dark humor and existential dread.
- The blurred line between genius and madness in artistic expression.
Who should read this book?
- Fans of Russian absurdist and existential literature.
- Readers interested in psychological narratives of self-destruction.
- Those who appreciate dark humor and unreliable narrators.
- Scholars studying post-Soviet disillusionment in literature.